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Teenagers are consuming digital media more than ever before, spending an average of nearly two hours per day on YouTube and 1.5 hours per day on TikTok alone. And that doesn’t sit right with some of their parents. About half of teens who report spending a lot of time online say that they argue with their parents about it, according to a Pew Research Center survey conducted last year.
Experts say it’s time to stop lecturing and start listening. Exposure to negative video content like violence, substance use, self-harm or unhealthy body images may be harmful to teenagers, but adults can buffer the ill effects by initiating open conversations, according to the American Psychological Association’s new guidelines on healthy video viewing for adolescents, which were released Wednesday.
“It really is important that parents approach their teens with curiosity versus confrontation,” said Erlanger A. Turner, an associate professor of psychology at Pepperdine University.
Wondering how to do that? We turned to Dr. Turner and other experts — all of whom contributed to the new A.P.A. guidelines.
Here are five conversation starters to help your family have more fruitful discussions about some of the most powerful forces in video creation today: influencers and artificial intelligence.
1) Have you ever seen an A.I.-generated video? If so, how do you know?
We now live in a world peppered with digital fakery, said Mitch Prinstein, the chief science officer at the American Psychological Association.
But our brains are wired to believe what we’re seeing, Dr. Prinstein said, so it takes a “conscious overriding” to realize: “Wait, that might not be real. That person might not even exist. They may not look like that.”
Try scanning the lifelike videos in this New York Times article along with your teen and then guessing which of the images are fake.
A.I. can sometimes be used to alter videos for the purpose of sharing misinformation. You can learn more about false claims and how they spread by playing the game Get Bad News, which exposes players age 14 and up to the strategies used to create fake news. Or try your hand at the Clemson University quiz Spot the Troll, and decide whether the social media accounts you’re seeing are real.
Teens can bring these recognition skills to their daily video viewing, helping them to recognize fake content or false claims as they go along.
2) What do you see as the ‘good’ and ‘bad’ about A.I.?
Phrasing your question this way shows that you’re interested in your teenager’s opinions, Dr. Turner said. And considering both the positives and negatives of A.I. technology allows for a more nuanced discussion.
Ask what your child has heard about A.I. from peers, Dr. Turner suggested, so that he or she has an opportunity to “be the expert” and teach you something. You can also share your own opinions or talk about your experiences with A.I., the experts said. Just be sure to solicit your teenager’s input throughout the discussion.
If you’re feeling a little lost and need an A.I. primer, Common Sense Media’s guide to generative A.I. can help you get the lay of the land.
3) Who are some of your favorite YouTubers?
This question can open up conversations about how online creators make money, why they focus on certain topics and the types of content that are “inappropriate or misaligned with your family’s values,” said Jacqueline Nesi, a psychologist at Brown University who studies the role of social media in adolescents’ mental health.
She suggested following up by asking: “What other YouTubers are popular with people your age, and what do you think of them?” Or: “Why do you think YouTubers post the types of videos that they do?”
Inquiring about YouTube is a good bet, given that nine out of 10 teenagers say they use it, but you can apply the same questions to any video platform that your child frequents.
4) What else are you watching?
Sometimes a broad question can be the most illuminating. “It’s completely impossible to keep an eye out for everything your child is viewing,” said Dr. Prinstein, who is the father of two children, ages 12 and 14.
While he makes an effort to watch movies or TV shows together as a family, he also checks in with his kids regularly to find out what they are watching when they’re alone or using their iPads. So far, he added, they have been open to these conversations.
“I’m not going to freak out or be judgmental,” he said. The aim is to start a dialogue.
Follow-up questions might include: “How did what you watched make you feel?” or “What do you think was the main takeaway?”
5) Have you ever seen that in real life?
This prompt can be useful in situations when your child has recently watched something unsettling, such as a risky stunt or prank, content tied to self-harm or “pro-ana” videos that promote disordered eating.
It’s important to stay calm. If your child says that he or she was watching a video about cutting because someone at school does it, one neutral response could be: “OK, let’s talk about that,” Dr. Prinstein said.
The key is to keep the conversation going without putting your child on the spot or projecting judgment — that way, if he or she also wants to talk about other experiences or worries, there will be a level of comfort in doing so, he added.
And while you’re at it, try not to judge yourself, either.
“We shouldn’t feel that we need to get everything ‘right,’ or cover every topic in a single discussion,” Dr. Nesi said. “This should not just be one conversation.”
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